Four Poems
by Tamiko Dooley
Being brave
The clouds across your face
Rumble, threatening to rip the sky
Your mouth trembles from holding firm
Face forcing eyes from filling
My promise of treats to rot the teeth
Or a trip on the trains
No longer has the power to lift the storm.
And in the moment of disappointment disguised
I see that this is growing,
Not the lines on your wall to mark the months
Nor shoes that your toes strain against
But the hiding of pain that others’ words inflicted.
I grip the protective shield tightly,
Yet the armour that once gleamed as lightning
Sits tarnished in an ever-loosening fist.
Slipstream
Kono kaze, doda!
You exclaimed
Jamming both hands into your pockets
Shoulders braced against
The early January hours
I wrapped my hanten jacket tighter
You walked closely ahead to absorb the gale force
We were trudging away from the Akihabara bar
With its corners that hid the way you looked at me
When we arrived at my apartment in Kamitakada
You turned to face me on the frosted steps
And the winter night
Took
the
air
out
of
my
lungs
Daruma-san
I laughed when you said
I resembled a daruma-san
Through the smoky air of the izakaya bar:
However often you’re pushed over
You just bounce back, don’t you?
That night, alone,
I grimace comically in the mirror
At last the glass reflects
The meaning of your words
With a fist I smash the child’s toy
Sweep up the crumbs
To leave no trail behind:
Sometimes you have to break to return to who you are.
Reunion
and would it be like the time
we bumped into you at Shinjuku Station
under the giant clock?
you had your wheely suitcase
and were wearing your fluffy kiroi cardigan
squinting up at the departure boards
we saw you for a few seconds before you saw us
we skidded across the floor
pushed through crowds towards you
before you could move, before we lost you
your eyes landed on us as we shouted your name
Oba-chan!
your face was one of sunshine, of surprised delight
then with hugs and cheers
we help you with your luggage
what a surprise to see you here!
and where are you going?
I clutch your fragile hands,
papery skin over blue-veined bones
as delicate as your hojicha tea cups
your watery eyes are a pale December sky
we hold and embrace each other
with the joy that we found you in the city
except this time we won’t wave you off at the platform
but climb aboard the train together
both smiling out the windows
at the fields that pass, that pass and roll into each other
roll on for miles
as far as the train will take us
BIO: Tamiko read Latin and French at New College, Oxford. She was the winner of the BBC Radio 3 carol competition 2021. Previous publications include SHIMA (Islands) (Alien Buddha Press, 2022), Seasons of Love Around the Rising Sun (Broken Sleep Books, 2023), and The Japanese House (Cephalo Press, 2023). Connect with Tamiko on X : @Tamiko_Dooley and Instagram @dooleytamiko.